Good story.

The Alien Man, chilling in orbit.

Just hanging out there.

Analyzing.

Quantum scanning.

Analyzing.

Oh, what is this?

Gay dictatorship.

Mhh, let me see.

More quantum scanning.

Quantum scanning running.

Oh, shit, the divine gate of death and life, run by teenagers.

High emergency situation identified.

More quantum scanning.

More quantum scanning.

Almost.

There you go.

Problem identified.

The shiver.

I see the shiver is an issue.

Strong shiver issue detected.

Very widespread shiver issue detected.

Oh, big problem, could result in the end of the world.

More quantum scanning.

There, solution identified.

Regulate the shiver to reduce the gay dictatorship.

Simple mathematics identified.

1 shiver = Highest bar possible, sky-high bar.

Only the elite genetics can make it, like mine.

But for the average person, the bar has to be lowered.

More shivers have to be allowed.

2 shivers allowed = more straight people, less gay people.

The bar gets lowered.

More guys will “make it” to the “straight side”.

More guys will be able to become straight in the end.

2 shivers allowed = more straight people

3 shivers allowed = even more straight people

Simple relationship identified.

Unlimited shivers allowed = everyone turns straight.

No more war.

No need for war.

War prevented.

Mission successful.

Quantum scanning finished.

Jesus “water to wine” formula identified.